Depression Is Best When...

So I've been told not to be "all emo" on this blog, but you know what? It's not like anyone reads it anyway so I'll write what I like.

I'm depressed. It came out of nowhere, and it's like a wet blanket has just been lowered over my life. Everything looks bleak, everything is stressing me out, I get reduced to tears by someone cutting in front of me in the office microwave queue.

I mean, there's physical reasons that I'm depressed. I'm feeling bloody shite, physically and psychologically because I had to do a Morning After Pill at the weekend (the bad, awful downside of actually having a sex life again) and I had forgotten what those do to your cycle and your moods - it's like 10 PMTs at once, and you break down crying if you drop a fork. Add to that endless stress and sleep deprivation and oh yeah, I nearly gave myself a concussion on Sunday afternoon (while preparing for my housewarming party which, although it was really fun, was also quite stressful. That's one of the things about being a hostess - you get so concerned that everyone else is having a good time and has enough to eat or drink and get everything organised that you forget to have fun yourself) and yeah. I'm feeling pretty damned awful.

I took the day off work yesterday. Felt like I was skiving. I forgot that I had made an appointment with Anna to do a vocal session in the evening until she rang and suddenly it was all "panic, argh, got to get up and do some work". She was feeling pretty awful herself, which was a bit of a relief. It's hard to be around someone perky when you feel like death, so we both bitched and moaned and managed to get through it. Producing a record like that is half programming/engineering and half "team coach" - it can be hard work. But it's finally finished, and I'm going to put the record to bed for a week before I start mixing. Hallelujah. It sounds good, it's just hard to have any objectivity when you're feeling rubbish.

I mean, this is what Depression does. It turns everything into a disaster. Sex with a hott young boy = OH GOD PREGNANCY FEAR OH NO. Great party with great friends = OH GOD STRESS, IS THERE ENOUGH FOOD, DOES EVERYONE HAVE BOOZE, IT'S 3PM WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?!?